You Can Stop Drinking Now

By Randy

I’m in my early thirties, I’m still barely married, and I’ve been sober for just over two months.

Alcoholism really affected my marriage in what seems like subtle ways.  I can’t put my finger on exactly just where and how things got so damaged.

I was a sloppy, obnoxious drunk, and I’m sure incredibly boring while under the influence. In sober times I was moody, uncommunicative, and irritable.  My wife, Jen, was a light, happy person in the beginning of our marriage.  As my drinking progressed and her and I were continually arguing about finances, my drinking, and my behavior in general, I think she become more prone to episodes of anxiety and depression.  She was frustrated because as much as she wanted to help me, I was determined not to be helped.  That alone seemed to break a bond between us. Her help constituted a threat to my ability to drink. She also accused me on more than one occasion of infidelity.  In my case it wasn’t true; I was much more interested in getting drunk than I was in other women.

During my drinking career I was negligent of my wife, and with my developing indifference to our marriage Jen’s unhappiness grew.  Alcohol was making me callous and I really didn’t care about anything except my next drunk.  Jen was hurt and seemed to develop a negative self image. My continual insults while we were arguing I’m sure contributed to how Jen started looking at herself.  It was like she was looking at herself through my eyes.  The more she criticized and complained about my drinking, the less I thought of her. She was becoming a problem in my mind, so I spent less and less time at home and more time out drinking. Alcohol was taking its toll. 

As time went on, Jen and I were all but unable to communicate, our intimacy level hit zero, and I’m sure she grew very resentful of me.  Since all of our problems weren’t reaching any conclusions to give either of us any relief, the trust between us was diminished, and our relationship continued to erode.

Just to move things along, I got drunk one night and totaled our new car.  I got a couple of broken ribs out of the deal, and my irresponsible behavior just put more strain on a relationship that was hanging by a thread.

Jen left me when I lost my job.  Too many days off with hangovers, and to be truthful, my competency level at work declined as my alcohol consumption went up.

As I mentioned, I have been sober for two months.  Jen and I are talking, and I want her back.  She’s not going for that right now. 

I will keep working on staying sober, and taking care of my responsibilities, to show Jen that I am sincere about setting things straight.  I am sick at heart over losing her.  It was a blow.  Right now, I really don’t know if she will ever come back to me. Normal people will never understand that  alcohol was in the driver’s seat. I wasn’t controlling it, it was controlling me, but I should have gotten help sooner.  If Jen decides not to come back to me, as painful as it is, I really won’t blame her.